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Trusting the Process

October 3, 2023

Selfunwinding is an organic process of reorganizing the body-mind.

This becomes necessary when physical and emotional insults, challenges, and traumas cause misalignment and dysfunction in our system.

But reorganization is by its nature a disruption of the equilibrium of a system, so its first step is disorganization.

We start by intentionally disorganizing the system before considering how—or whether—to reorganize.

Even though we function as a whole, there are different modalities of disorganization: anatomical, intellectual, emotional, and existential.

Anatomical. Somewhat simplistically, we can just shake the body by rebounding it, sloshing it around, or putting it on vibration machine. By shaking up the body, some of the anatomical patterning is disrupted.

Intellectual. A new idea can produce a break in patterning. For instance, discovering that the earth we expected to “last forever” may succumb to climate change can disrupt and disorganize our habits and behavior.  

Emotional. We may experience the ending of a relationship we thought would last and could not imagine being without, inducing an intolerable state of grief, pain, loss, or fear. In the moment this feels like a disruption that might not be possible to reorganize around. Our histories contain many events that carry a disruptive, disorganizing emotional charge.

Existential. In my oncology radiology practice, I have seen that when someone learns they have cancer it disorganizes their entire life in such a way that some time is necessary before they can begin to discuss prognosis and treatment. Consideration of our mortality is a profound act of disorganization that is also part of most spiritual traditions.

But here's what I notice is my own work and with clients…

When we experience or initiate disorganization, there can be a surprise in the sudden disruption. If this overwhelms us, there can be a reflex to return to the previous state, like going back to safety in a game of tag.

As we learn to be aware of these changes, however, and even learn to expect them, there can be this recognition that allows us to not reflex back into safety.

This knowledge is empowering. Combined with the cultivated habit of observing without judgment, it creates opportunity to move into something else.

This habit of defaulting into the known and familiar is so strong that even after years of unwinding, a subtle deep-seated belief that we need to exert therapeutic control to bring about subsequent change still infiltrates the process.

Through this somewhat hidden alliance, we end up reaching a new patterned state within our healing system, which because of our interference and oversight is still suboptimal.

At this stage, we become akin to a polar bear (see Blog post #1) who believes it “knows how to” unwind. And we're a unique polar bear that doesn't really complete the process because it is preoccupied thinking, “I'm really getting the hang of unwinding!”

As an alternative, I have found that our bodies possess the instinctive knowledge of how to respond to and clear these overwhelming disorganizing experiences.

These inherent self-organizing abilities are original equipment, having evolved over millions of years.

With some experience and patience, we can learn to trust and embrace the disorganizing phase and have faith in the subsequent natural, organic process of reorganizing.

And we come to interfere with or manage this realignment process less and less in our Selfunwinding journey.

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